Tuesday 24th of December 2019

Heard in the kitchen: “SO MUCH GLITTERRRRRR!”

Me: [lights the nearest curtain on fire]

Current Status

Tom Holland and Jake Gyllenhaal might be able to put a shirt on while doing a handstand, but I’m eating Doritos, so I win.

Posted on April 6, 2020

Fridge pickles cooking in an ice bath.

Posted on April 5, 2020

[timer alarm goes off]

Me: HEY SIRI, SHUT UP.

[timer alarm stops]

Me: Well, I feel like an asshole now.

Posted on April 4, 2020

A friend of mine is spending his Saturday scouring eBay for face masks and reporting them for price gouging.

Dude’s a hero.

I’m wondering how I could automate such a thing.

Posted on April 4, 2020

Not gonna lie: I’d commit a felony to get some good boneless wings right about now.

Posted on April 4, 2020

Here’s a stupid thing:

At my local Buffalo Wild Wings, I was given the nickname The Scorpion King because I repeatedly came in and ordered their scorpion pepper wings and ate them without issue.

I miss Buffalo Wild Wings.

Posted on April 4, 2020