TFW eating a bowl of Cup-a-Soup requires about the same level of exertion as deadlifting 500 pounds because stomach flu.

Last time she got sick, she wrecked her bed, and we had to throw out a bean bag chair. So…yeah, big win.

And that was less than a month ago.

BOO: Kid threw up.
YAY: In the toilet.

After the day I’ve had, I’ll take this win.

TFW you seriously injured your toe, but you’re too afraid to take your sock off to see the damage.

Kid: “If we had one of those Star Wars robots, we could make it do whatever we want!”
Me: “So, it’d be your slave?”
Kid: “And I’d make it get me an iPhone.”
Me: “So it’d be your slave AND you’d make it steal for you?”
Kid:

It’s super, super windy here tonight. But, with the windows closed, if you squint your ears, it sounds exactly like the ocean.