But here we are today, with people thinking Tina Fey literally wants us to stay home and eat cake. If that’s what you think, let me break it to you: your heart might be in the right place, but you’re an idiot.
Wife and I just packed a lunch for our kid’s first day of kindergarten.
Having a WTF moment.
My kids have started putting their leftover pizza on my plate.
Can’t tell if this is a win or not.
The 5-year-old: “Will you PLEASE get me a phone?”
My kid put on her potty watch tonight, pressed one of the buttons, and said, “Timer for 30 minutes.”
Potty watch does not have Siri.
I’m on our back porch, and there are coyotes going insane in the distance.
Driving to Walgreens yesterday, two deer ran in front of my car.
Small towns are weird.
Wrote a complicated find-and-replace regex. Ran it. It worked the first time.
Me, to my kid’s teacher: “I don’t know why she’s yelling TINY RICK that’s so weird wonder what that means 🤔.”
My oldest kid is Singing-Disney-Songs-Off-Key years old.
The knowledge that nothing matters, while accurate, gets you nowhere. The planet is dying, the sun is exploding, the universe is cooling, nothing’s gonna matter. The further back you pull, the more that truth will endure.
But, when you zoom in on Earth, when you zoom to a family, when you zoom into a human brain, and a childhood, an experience, you see all these things that matter.
We have this fleeting chance to participate in this illusion called ‘I love my girlfriend,’ ‘I love my dog’–how is that not better?
Dan Harmon, creator of Community and co-showrunner of Rick and Morty