Statuses

2020 resolution: never look up a recipe on the internet.

Online recipes are a cesspool of pointless family stories and people begging for you to sign up for their newsletter so they can tell you pointless family stories.

By the time I’m 57, everything I say will be a reference to a pop culture property. 96% of those references will be to the first 8 seasons of the Simpsons.

It’s that kind of evening.

Would watch: Gina Carano as Xena.

Music my kids have played in the HomePod this morning: Shake It Off by Taylor Swift, Karate and Starlight by Babymetal.

If you want a sure fire way to make sure you never get phone calls on your iPhone, enable WiFi calling. Everything goes straight to voicemail. The phone never rings.

Traffic westbound on I-70 outside Kansas City was horrible. Half of a double-wide trailer home blew off the semi carrying it. The entire freeway was shuttered. Luckily, we were headed east.

When I retire, I’m gonna open a museum of internet products. Stuffed toys and coffee mugs and enamel pins made to promote comics and apps, spread memes. It’ll double as a gift shop.

I’m somewhere on the plains in Kansas right now, and nature is providing ample white noise. The wind is incredible (and I say that as someone who’s been outside during a Texas hurricane).

Sometimes white noise machines make the world livable. I dig a good white noise machine.